Prince Charles: Now Serge, you Blatherskite chaps really must stop writing about me and boiled eggs
Serge Poniatowski (Blatherskite’s chief celebrity interviewer): That wasn’t me your…
Charles: Well what do you do then?
Serge: I Interview les celebrities
Charles: Must be pretty boring. Why don’t you do some real reporting, on the environment for example, it’s very important you know
Serge: all zat climate change nonsense? It’s all rubbish
Charles: I say Serge, steady on. It’s not you know, the weather thingie is changing isn’t it? That’s why it’s always raining
Serge: But it always rains ‘ere. Anyway I though global warming meant it would be ‘ot. It’s not, it’s cold
Charles: Oh dear, I think we’ll have to sort you out on that one. What else have you been doing?
Serge: Oh I talk to Carla Bruni sometimes and occasionally Nic, but ‘e doesn’t like me
Charles: Really? He is a bit creepy isn’t he? All that hand-slobbering and so on. But the Duchess of Cornwall seems to like it
Serge: Who’s she?
Charles: My wife Camilla, Serge. you’re not very well-informed are you?
Serge: I do my best. What did you make of Carla?
Charles: She’s a bit of a popsy isn’t she?
Serge: Is that something to do with Armistice Day?
Charles (wearily): no Serge, an, er, attractive woman. A bit like a cross between Camilla and Diana. Except she’s not blonde if you see what I mean
Serge: Do you fancy ‘er then?
Charles: I think we’d better leave it there Serge. You’re not one of the Polish Poniatowskis are you, you know the king thingies?
Serge: Certainement
Charles: Oh that explains it. I thought you were a bit thick at first. In the circumstances then I think we’d better have you down to Highgrove. Get up you up to speed on the environment and things. I’ll invite Stephen and Jonathan.
Serge: And some women please
Charles: Er, yes of course, the hot-blooded Poniatowskis and all that…