Serge Poniatowski (Blatherskite’s chief celebrity interviewer): ‘Allo Robert, is that you?
Robert Kilroy-Silk (former MP, chat show host, currently member of the European Parliament and contestant on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here): Who the **** is this?
Serge: Serge Poniatowski, I interviewed you a few years ago about….
RKS: I remember you, you snivelling little bastard, you tried to stitch me up over being an MEP
Serge: But you told me you didn’t do anything
RKS: So? What do you want? Anyway we’re not allowed to talk anyone now that we’re stuck in the outback eating crocodile twizzles
Serge: What do they taste like?
RKS: ******* awful. What do you want, you French turd?
Serge: Actually I’m Polish
RKS: Get on with it
Serge: Sure, Well apparently you’re still drawing your MEP’s salary when you are, ‘ow you say, in ze outback eating twizzles and the people in Brussels want you to pay it back
RKS: Well they can **** off for a start. Actually I’m raising the profile of MEPs across the world and helping us re-connect with ordinary people
Serge: But all those other prats in the jungle are celebrities
RKS: Not them you Polish pillock, the viewers
Serge: OK, fine, but you sound in a bad mood Robert
RKS: I’d be fine if all these women here weren’t such bloody idiots and that old poof Brian Paddick didn’t keep waving his arse at me when he’s taking a shower
Serge: Do you fancy ‘im then Robert?
RKS: **** off Serge!
(line goes dead)
Blatherskite HQ: That was good Serge, one of your best interviews. Perhaps we ought to send you to Tasmania?
Serge: I think I’m watching TV that week….