Serge Poniatowski (Blatherskite’s chief celebrity interviewer):Â It’s terrible, terrible, ‘zis financial crisis.
Gordon Brown (British PM): Er, yes of course Serge, it’s awful. But you have to look on the bright side you know.
Serge: What bright side prime minister?
GB: Well Serge these problems have been bubbling away for a long time and at long last I’m glad to see the political world getting to grips with them in a way that will lead to a prosperous and sustainable future for all our people, particularly hard-working families.
Serge: But I’m not married.
GB: Er, quite, Serge. You as well I’m sure.
Serge: Or British.
GB: Oh, well, you’re just another Polish immigrant are you, ha, ha. Of course we all appreciate the great contribution you make. But the point is Serge that, if other countries like the US, France and Germany, and indeed Poland, adopt my economic plan, then they too will be able to share the prosperity that’s coming to the United Kingdom in the run up to May 2010.
Serge: Why then?
GB: It’s the date of the next general election. Er, that was off the record Serge.
Serge: So your grand plan is just another bribe for ze voters then?
GB: Absolutely not and I mean that most sincerely Serge. But if they choose a man of proven experience with safe hands, one who’s rescued the world more or less single-handedly, if that’s not a contradiction in terms, over that salesman and spiv David Cameron then I don’t think we should be too surprised.
That’s on the record by the way.
Serge: So ze crisis ‘as been quite good for you?
GB: The man and the hour Serge, the man and the hour. Now I must go and speak to Henry Paulson at the US Treasury. That poor sap keeps cocking things up.