Nic Sarkozy: (president of France): 'Allo, Serge? Serge (Blatherskite's chief celebrity interviewer): What do you want? Sarkozy: Serge, I am 'aving all this trouble with Peter Mandelson Serge: Who? Sarkozy: Peter Mandelson, you know, the EU commissioner for trade? That gay bloke 'oo was a friend of Tony Blair's Serge: Sounds like a story Nick Sarkozy: No, no Serge you prat, Cherie wouldn't 'ave let 'im, believe you me Serge: So what's the problem Nick? Sarkozy: Well Mandelson keeps saying that all the things I do, now we've got the EU presidency for six months, are just to do with protecting French farmers and not helping world trade. Serge: Well they are. Sarkozy: I know that you dickhead, but how do I fix Mandelson? Serge: Introduce 'im to Carla Sarkozy: What's the point of that? Serge: One, she will charm 'im and, two, he will then do a deal with you French Sarkozy: I do not introduce men to Carla Serge, even Mandelson. She is in a nunnery! Serge: D'you hear that Carla? Sarkozy: Serge, Serge, you bastard. She's not with you is she? Serge: What a joker eh? Sorry Nic, the phone's running out..