Serge Poniatowski (Blatherskite's chief celebrity interviewer): Ouch! KGB man (aka UEFA press officer): If you think that hurts, wait to see what else we've got left over from the cold war! Serge: But why are you doing this? I'm a journalist, I'm here to watch Manchester United play Chelsea! KGB man: A likely story. You can watch them play in London. And your name's Poniatowski, Kings of Poland! Serge: Well actually yes. Ouch! KGB man: So you admit it? Serge: Admit what? KGB man: That you're really here to plot against Tsar Putin, just like you Poles always did. Serge: No, no, no. Vlad's one of my best mates, we used to go shooting together. And chase girls around Monte Carlo when he was with the KGB. Ouch! KGB man: You really know him? Serge (breathless by now): 'Course I do. KGB man: Hmm. If we let you got you'll say nothing about this? Serge: Never. KGB man: You got a ticket for the match? Serge: No, actually. KGB man: OK, pick one up at the door. And you say nothing about this! Serge: Oh thanks - who's going to win? KGB man: Who do you think? Serge: Oh yeah, well thanks anyway (hobbles out into Dzerzhinky Street).