Celeb soccer player David Beckham, that is. Just now David has 99 appearances under his well-upholstered belt (see recent Calvin Klein ads) and just needs one more in England's meaningless friendly against Switzerland coming up soon to join the likes of Bobby Moore, Bobby Charlton, Billy Wright and Peter Shilton in the 100 club. The trouble is, David isn't playing any more. He's supposed to be playing for a Mickey Mouse outfit in Los Angeles but it's their close season so he's poncing around with wife Posh, doing trips for Unicef (fair do's) and training with Arsenal. Which presents a problem for new England manager Fabio Capello (former boss of Real Madrid who, famously, dropped Becks when he announced he was taking the LA shilling). The sensible thing is to allow Becks to lead out England against Switzerland (the game means sod all as England failed to qualify for Euro 2008 so don't have a real match until September), take him off at half-time and put on new shavers like David Bentley of Blackburn or Ashley Young of Aston Villa. Which is probably what Capello will do. This will also keep his paymasters at the Football Association happy as well (the idiots who turn up to Wembley on the night will expect to see Becks). In return though Capello will take earloads of stick from the massed ranks of ancient football columnists, led by the Independent's venerable James Lawton (recently voted sports columnist of the year). These blokes think Beckham's a ponce, and not that a good a player anyway (he's a good player although nowhere near as good as his celebrity would indicate). So there'll be a huge fuss anyway. And all over a wholly meaningless match. As Sir Alex Ferguson once said (on luckily winning the European Cup), "Football, bloody hell."